Add one part dark-dodgy-road to a mixing bowl of me.
Add a cup of blind dimwit.
Let it stew for a few seconds… *STIR.
I was driving home last night, when I felt a strange sunbeam like warmth in my neck followed by my retinas being scorched. I was stunned, literally ‘deer-in-the-headlights-style-stunned’. The dimwit in the car behind me felt that he had to share his blindness with the world by driving with his brights on. I was annoyed. Very annoyed.
I wanted to Vulcan nerve pinch the guy in the car behind me. ‘Ray Charles’ decided he wasn’t getting the desired effect from fully illuminating my car with his retina scorching brights, he added to my discomfort by having the following distance of a trailer. I was sure I could pull off the Vulcan nerve pinch with a descent ‘Rose Mary Woods reach’ through my rear window.
I was thinking of ways to make the problem go away. I never give anyone the bird in traffic. I feel it lacks character and it is too easy. I did however start to feel semi possessed after being blinded for a good few minutes. I wanted to pull this guy over, take his head, shove it two millimeters from his headlights and pry open his eyes, locking it in the ‘open-position’ with toothpicks – like in the cartoons. It was at that moment that I started seeing little dots. I was not sure if this was from the brights permanently damaging my retinas, or just plain barbaric rage. The dots reminded me of LED lights, which made me think of an LED message board mounted to my car’s roof top. I was not the first to think of this brilliant idea: http://www.thebacktalker.com/
Perhaps you have a better coping mechanism when it comes to road rage?