I was complimented on my daughter’s beautiful photos on Facebook today. I was told that she looks like she loves the camera, and that every pose looked so cute and picture perfect.
I felt three things:
- Obviously supremely proud that my offspring managed a compliment. She feels like an extension of me, so it feels like I just got a compliment.
- It’s never the child that ‘loves the camera’ – It’s the patient mother that loves taking photos. Believe me when I say I post approximately one out of ten photos.
- People without kids get lied to by society – and we as parents should stop lying, especially to the *women.
*I feel men might be more logical and less emotional, and should consequently care less about society’s lies.
We as parents should sign a declaration, that we will stop selling the idea of parenthood as a blissful, easy and a beautifully sunny journey. We will stop infiltrating the childless market with mind controlling cute baby spam. Anne Geddes should be arrested, and sent to Alcatraz. It should be called: The childless protection act.
As a mother of a two year old, Facebook should see a large portion of this:
- The Bodyslam – Tantrum: Back arched, blue faced, inconsolable collapse with HEAPS of noise.
- The Poo Picasso – The great discovery that they can paint everything/anything with their own poop.
- The Fob – Fake sobbing for not getting what they want, when they wanted it. The stuff that wins Oscars.
- The Boogerface – Ooo this one is a constant in winter. Pantones vary from 458C to 382C
- The Decorator – Your house looks toddlerized – Stepping on squeaky toys actually happens IRL.
- The Foodfight – They chuck food everywhere except into their mouths.
[Feel free to add anything I’ve missed.]
I think Durex can make an ad campaign out of this…