Body (+t)Art

I’m and artist, but my body is a clean canvas. It is not that I don’t like tattoos – I love tattoos… on other people. It’s exactly like Jacaranda trees – beautiful purple-passion in your neighbour’s yard, but dirty, messy and annoying in your own.

It is like street art. Banksy is the shizniz. But you will never find me spray-painting satirical graphics laced with political views, on some poor sod’s building. Maybe it’s self-preservation, maybe it’s because I will feel used and dirty, maybe it’s a commitment issue, maybe I’m just not enough of a trend setting rebel…

I have recently found a reason to mess ink on my skin. I have spawned allergies out of thin air. If I come into contact with any of the following:

  1. Most metals (Copper, Steel, Nickel, Bronze – most alloys)
  2. Diclofenac (Anti-inflammatory drugs)
  3. iBuprofen (Anti-inflammatory drugs)
  4. Aspirin (Pain drugs)
  5. Bee Stings (Little kamikaze pilots from hell)

I swell up. I look like Marge Simpson / Angelina Jolie, depending on the symmetry of the allergic reaction. Obviously I can’t wear a medical aid bracelet, because I’m allergic to the surgical steel etc.

So how do I tell the paramedic what not to inject me with, when I get hit by a taxi on our volatile roads?
allergy tattoo
It is not the best solution or location for that matter – it has body-(+t)art written all over it. And you will most probably be lying on your crucial medical information in case of an accident. Branding your arm or leg however will not get you anywhere when you lose that branded limb. It will just look funny on my forehead, and “I’ve yet to see a CEO of a fortune 500 company that has facial tattoos”

I would appreciate any location advice. Any “do less” suggestions will be even better…

Which 30 Rock Character Are You?

Office jokes practical?

It’s clear that creative people can’t be all-work and no-play when you take a closer look at our in-house agency. I think most people in the workplace needs that spoonful-of-sugar in their dark-and-twisty day to day routine. It builds camaraderie. The team-spirit most offices try to achieve, by having “Secret-Santas”. The good stuff that makes everyone want to work for their company. It is a balancing act. You need decent work ethic, and an office that produces great results, to justify the time wasted on practical jokes. A final key-aspect to a lighthearted office would be a dynamic, uber tech specialist, fashionably current, awesomesauce manager.

Over the last few months our company has built quite a nice portfolio of prankage:

1.)News clad office
My manager went on honeymoon for two weeks, and our office was without power for a day. After two hours, the blessed-with-batteries laptop folk, joined the fleet of desktop boredom. A team of us, armed with tape and newspapers, covered his office:
News Clad Office

2.)Optical Illusion
This optical mouse trap has been successful more than once. Both co-workers rebooted their PC’s when their mouses stopped working:
Mouse Trap

3.)The infamous BSOD
Our manager had mentioned on several occasions that we must lock our PC’s when we are away from them. He messed around on our desktops changing wallpapers, changing peoples screen orientations and so forth, just to make a point. I designed this BSOD for him, set it as his desktop and hid his icons and taskbar:
Blue screen of Death
It resulted in a reboot. *chuckle*

4.)Schizo signature
Same manager, different day. I changed his signature to Parks and Recreation star Ron Swanson.The Swanson
Swanson was not the only signature scam. On another occasion, I changed Stephen to Stefan. Needless to say, he locks his computer now.

5.)Ctrl+Alt+[Arrow Key]
Changes screen orientation in Windows:
Upside down

6.)Photoshopping – The only shopping I like…
Obviously a design studio has tools, talent and photo galleries to defend themselves against any office onslaughts.
*”Uber Tech Specialist”:
Uber Tech Specialist

*”Broke Back Mountain”:
Broke back David

*”The Peeper”
"The Peeper"

TBC

I’m looking forward to your punk’d stories, inspiration and comments. This would be one of the few times that I would refrain from the usual “do less” and rather up the farewell ante to: do more.

[Click here to view a failed prank attempt at the office]
[Click here to view the latest office prank]

Fesignerd Tip #002 – Choosing a company name

When picking a company name, stay away from swiss-army-words for company names. There are usually like 30 spectacularly different ways to get your new name wrong.

Case name: “ulikem.com” (Supposed to sound like: “You like them”, but could be read as “You lick ehm”)
How people could get it wrong: youlikem.com/ulickem.com/youlickem.com/youlikehm etc.

If you have some graphic magic to make your “ulikem” stick to the front lobe of your target market, go for it. I would love to learn your tricks

Multifunctional is rarely functional. Do less…

“How To Write Good” by Frank L. Visco [1986]

  1. Avoid Alliteration. Always. “Random; Rants; Reviews; Raves; Rigged; Raves” Does blog categories count?
  2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. “I don’t know if I do this.”
  3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.) “Wha’!?”
  4. Employ the vernacular. “I think this might be the only thing I do right.”
  5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. “UX vs User Experience – You choose.”
  6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. “I had to Google Parenthetical” *Blush*
  7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. “I do this when I break Rule #17”
  8. Contractions aren’t necessary. “I hope I do not use too many contractions.”
  9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. “Awesomesauce is the shizzle.”
  10. One should never generalize. “GUILTY!” Just broke rule #18
  11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.” (I hate quotes) “Except for rule #4 – This might be the only thing I do right.”
  12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. “Guilty as sin!” – Just broke Rule #3
  13. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous. “I am a superfluous, colourful, weird, designer person!”
  14. Profanity sucks. “Shit.”
  15. Be more or less specific. “Kinda makes sense.”
  16. Understatement is always best. “The English are quite good at this.”
  17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. “Americana baby.”
  18. One word sentences? Eliminate. “Meh.”
  19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. “It is the only way to explain myself. It is like painting a picture.”
  20. The passive voice is to be avoided. The Tale of an Epic Fail” = Fail supreme.
  21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. “Well you are now guilty of breaking rule #4 & #8”
  22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. “That is just chocolate-box.”
  23. Who needs rhetorical questions? “Does sarcastic people not need rhetorical questions?”

I think I should take some writing lessons, if I want to continue spamming you. Frank stay away from the internet – There be grammar-dragons!