Valentines Shmalentines – 10 Reasons why we hate today.

Valentines infested red planet
I am someone who gets lost in a fantasy book. I’m the type of girl that absolutely loves any space opera. I love games, scuba and almost anything that helps me break away from the real world. I love getting lost in worlds that do not exist, or worlds that are not accessible to everyone.

The red planet, filled with winged-rangers armed to the teeth with heart shaped arrows, petrifies me however. It’s scarier than Morgoth or any Romulan. I think it’s a day filled with expectations, and expectation breeds disappointment. Being an antivalentine is just one of my many idiosyncrasies.

I’m not alone in my antivalentinism. There are so many dark and twisties out there, hatin’ today in unison, all having their own special reasons:

1.) It’s a money making racket. It’s a commercialized cabal between greeting card companies, florists, jewelers and chocolatiers.
2.) It’s a day that our screwed up fairytale upbringing forces us to find a mate, to appear normal.
3.) Everyday should be a day to spoil your spouse. Rather go to an empty restaurant on the 15th?
4.) It’s a day of expectations, and not love.
5.) It makes me feel even lonelier than I actually am. Happy being single awareness day. Down with Couple-talism!
6.) I’m always the only one trying to make the day special.
7.) It puts too much pressure on men. It’s the middle of the damn month, how do you impress someone with this bank balance?
8.) It makes women seem cheap. You buy their affection with endless gifts.
9.) Only the pretty girls/ jocks had secret admirers/stalkers in school.
10.) I hate roses.

Whatever your reasons, this day of hurling chocolate hearts only lasts one day. It makes some people break away from the real world, and for the rest of us, it makes the real world even more real…
*Deep breaths*
Valentines day freaks – Do Less.


New House Problems

How it always starts: “I need more space [Living, Storing, Packing, Gardening, etc.]”
Initially you just browse around… Later, it becomes a small obsession. You scour every single corner of the internet for a new home. Property listings becomes you.

Finding “the one” completes you. You don’t see the truckloads of money, broken security gates, paint chipping off the walls or wasp infestations. You see your unborn children and puppies frolicking in the halls and garden. Every problem you encounter, makes you feel alive. You take each project on with a sparkle in your eye, and a jump in your step.

My new house encounter was a tad different:
My husband goes to property auctions weekly. His main focus: Townhouses. He buys and sells them to make a little profit on the side. Last year November, he mentioned that if he saw a house for a good price, he would bid on it. Not to resell, but for us to live in. I was interested, but skeptical, because I know a lot of things can happen at these auctions. Banks pull properties out of auctions, because families come up with the money, or because they miraculously sell them before the auction. Sometimes they even bid on their own properties.

Every Sunday afternoon, we would drive around and look at properties that were on the Sheriff’s list. I saw one or two houses that I fancied, but nothing ever came of it…

We were planning a scuba holiday for December, so we didn’t go on our usual drive that Sunday. The Next Friday, while I was sitting at my desk at work, I received the following sms:

“Hey, we have just bought a house. I’ll phone you later.”

I didn’t have the address, area, anything to spy on my own house. I had a tiny little meltdown. Emotionally I was hopping between black widow to extreme excitement.

My husband phoned me an hour after that. All I wanted was the address. Knowing my Googling intentions, my husband gave it to me and warned me that the Google pics were taken in the good old days. The house needed some TLC.

That afternoon, I saw our house for the first time. It was a 5 bedroom house with a granny flat.

It needed some TLC.

2012… The end.

vogons 2012

We have apocalyptic threats more often than not. 2012.12.21 marks the end of the Mayan long count calendar. So before the Vogons get here, and everyone gets their new age panties in a knot, lets all take a deep breath…

It’s a new year, a fresh start. Do your best. Live life. Change the world rather than worry about how it’s going to end. Build a legacy.

Andy Dufresne said it best: “Get busy living, or get busy dying.

Own 2012! *evil grin* While you still can… 

I call this the Ted Beneke:

Every time I see an area rug misbehaving, I call it a *Ted Beneke

Ted Beneke

* Ted Beneke was Skyler’s boss and President/Owner of Beneke Fabricators, a company he inherited from his father. (Breaking Bad)

Birdcrap = saving throw +10 Good Luck?

Dungeon dice
I was minding my own business outside when, out of nowhere, I felt something weird land on my head, and then my shoulder. After careful inspection it turned out to be bird crap.

The event was followed by 10+ coworkers telling me that we should go to the casino, because bird crap equals good luck. (This is something I would say to make someone, with crap on their shoulder, feel better.)

It was a normal day at work – I didn’t win any lotteries or competitions.

My husband bought a house on auction last Friday and we decided to go there after work to start with the painting process. It needs a little TLC. I dropped my two year old daughter Leah, off at my moms place… It is nearly impossible to do any DIY things with a toddler trying to “help” you.

It was time to go home. We were both tired. The husband had man-flu, so I volunteered to pick up Leah. The new house is less than 5km’s from my moms place.

I was driving… thinking… dreaming of my new house… when traffic officers appeared in the middle of the road – torches waving. It was a roadblock, and I was being pulled over.

The traffic officer pointed his torch in my general direction, then strolled around my car to check my vehicle registration. I smiled, and tried to look calm. He strolled back and told me that my vehicle registration disk had expired. I jumped out of my car, barefoot, and looked at my license disk in total disbelief. I vaguely remembered renewing it 2 months before. He asked me for my drivers license. *Panic stations* My wallet had been stolen, with my license card in it. I knew that if I tried to explain this to the traffic officer, he would think I was pulling the oldest trick in the book. So I casually fake searched my handbag for my drivers license. (This IS most probably the oldest trick in the book)

He walked back to his car and started writing me a ticket for my expired registration disk.

With my fake-drivers-license-search, I discovered my renewed vehicle registration in my cubbyhole. Being supremely excited, I rushed over to the traffic officer and shoved it over my ticket. He nodded. “We’ll just change the ticket to: ‘Fail to display registration mark on his /her motor vehicle.'” Again, he asked me for my drivers license…

All I could think about, was how I was going to tell the 10+ casino people, that the birds at our office crap actual crap… not rainbows like the rest.

“Well I forgot my wallet at home officer” I blurted out. “And my drivers license is in it.” The traffic officer looked at me like I was in a fairly large amount of trouble. “First the registration… now the drivers license? Do you have proof of identification?” He asked. “Errr I do, but it’s in my wallet.” The traffic officer stared at me.

There I was, standing barefoot on the curb, nine o’clock at night, in shorts and a PVA-stained oppikopi t-shirt. “I’m very very sorry, I was in a hurry.”

The officer was fairly irked by now, he demanded to know why I was in such a hurry. I started rambling out of breath: “I was busy painting my new house and my mother wanted me to pick up my daughter. So I just left, because she stays fairly close and and and…” The air felt thin and dry and so did my throat.

The traffic officer stared at me some more. It felt like hours went by. Eventually he mumbled something: “I’ll give you grace tonight, you may go.”

“Really!? Thank you officer.” I got in my car and made sure he had no time to change his mind. *Warp speed, Mr. Sulu!*

While I was driving away I could not help but to think:
Birdcrap = saving throw well used! +10 Good Luck indeed.

Fantasy polygamist cult

I’d have Ryan Reynolds as my Monday Husband. (I need funny on a Monday)

I’d have Christian Bale as my Tuesday Husband. (Dark and twisty Tuesdays)

I’d have Colin Firth as my Wednesday Husband. (Witty Wednesday)

I’d have Jude Law as my Thursday Husband. (Talented Thursdays)

I’d have Josh Duhamel as my Friday Husband. (Fun fun fun Fridays)

My husband can stay for the weekends… 😛

Who would you have in your fantasy polygamist cult?

Black Tuesday

Black Tuesday, the darkest day for South African democracy since 1994.

Members of parliament will almost certainly pass the protection of information bill, otherwise known as the “secrecy bill”. The South African public will be deprived of free information.

Military intelligence, like weapon designs, could make us vulnerable if leaked. But we have not been reading about these topics in our newspapers. We have indulged in a feast of corruption, shady arms deals and financial scandals. Stuff that makes Nixon look like a toddler.

The ANC is now attempting to muzzle our press. The new laws would make it a crime to leak, possess or publish information deemed classified by the government, with whistleblowers and journalists facing up to 25 years in jail. Surely this bill is in direct conflict of the international human rights laws?

The apartheid government muzzled our newspapers. I thought all the political violence in our country happened in the name of freedom. Freedom of speech, religion, assembly, and association. Robert Mugabe pulled the same move as he has steadily eroded the freedoms of his people. It’s frightening that we do not learn from our mistakes.

As a blogger, I rarely write about politics or government related topics. But if times should get tough, I would like to have a voice.

I’m joining my first protest – I’m wearing black today.